2010-The good, The Bad and The Ugly--2011, bring on the good stuff!!

As 2010 draws to a close, looking back, it has been a long and painful year in many respects. The fibro monster reared its ugly head and took over my life for most of the year, affecting my health, my job, my marriage and other relationships.  I also lost one of the most important people in my life on 9/7/10, my grandma Kate.  Though she lived a long life and almost made it until her 94th birthday, her absence resonates.  2010 was also 5 years since my beloved sister Sabrina passed away. I don't feel as if I have been the same since her passing, as if part of me died with her.

Though it may seem if 2010 was a complete wash out, I did manage to have a few happy moments! I was able to lose quite a bit of weight by learning a lot more about fibromyalgia through the help of a nutritionist.  I got to be on stage again and in an indie film.  I made some wonderful new acquaintances, and reconnected with some old friends. We were blessed with the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with our families who are all relatively healthy.  So many wonderful things were happening for my friends and acquaintances  as well this year and I was able to share the joy of new jobs, new houses, new relationships, and new babies although even vicariously.

My wish for 2011 is to find myself again.  I feel that I have gotten lost somehow over the years and I want to find happiness and inner peace. Whatever that is.

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Busy, Busy, Busy!

It has been almost 2 months since I have written in this particular blog, but life has been extremely busy.  Trying to feel better, trying to be more active...all has taken up a lot of my writing time!

I have lost over 40 pounds since the end of February, due in part to the anti-inflamatory diet I have been on since the beginning of April, which you can read about in my other blog What's Eating Danielle. I am happy to have lost the weight, I still have a lot more to go, but it is a great start and am proud of myself!

I also started auditioning again.  Every time we go see a show, I remember what it was like being on stage, and I wanted to have that feeling again!  I have had three auditions so far for plays and one audition for an indie film.  They all went well, and am waiting on the outcome--I hate waiting!!  The first audition was for Pittsburgh Shakespeare in the Parks, Much Ado About Nothing.   I wasn't as prepared for my audition as I should have been (i.e. didn't have my monologues completely memorized) and I didn't get in.  I was not upset.  It was my first audition in a long time. I was proud of my self for going!  My second audition was for McCaffery Mysteries, Inc., a non-profit murder mystery dinner theater company who donates some of their profits to local charity organizations.  Hopefully I will be doing a show with them in September.  Lastly, I auditioned for Fairest, the Black Tale of Snow White with Rage of the Stage Players.  I have seen a few of their shows, and love the twisted fairytales!! My audition went very well, so hopefully I will hear a positive outcome soon!

The pain has not let up much, unfortunately.  I am scheduled to start a six week pain management program on 6/23 and hopefully will be back to work some time in August.I have been fighting with the short term disability company and have to appeal, so money has been extremely tight.  The doctors don;t want me to return to work until I have completed the pain management program, yet they fail to send in the disability paperwork--this whole process has been a nightmare!!! I am in a ton of pain and so stressed out!  I wish I felt better and was able to go back to work, but right now I can't, and my job does not have work from home or part time for people in my position, so I just will have to play the waiting game.

I pray that this pain management program will help ease the pain that I have been experiencing over the past few months.  In the almost 10 years I have had fibromyalgia, this is the worst that I have felt and I hope that I never have to go through this again!!

Calgon, Take Me Away!!!

I have been in severe pain the past few days, perhaps I over did it on the weekend, and now I am paying the price.   Tired, extreme pain, etc, etc, etc. What else is new?????  On the bright side, I just started seeing a holistic health counselor, which you can read about in my other blog What's Eating Danielle,  who put me on an anti-inflammatory diet, which I started today. Hopefully everything I have been doing thus far, and will continue to do, along with this new diet, continued exercise and additional measures that will be recommended after my evaluations with the pain clinic, will get my body back on track and I can manager the fibromyalgia like I was before this setback.

You Are What You Eat

I had a very wonderful meeting today with a Holistic Health Counselor.  I found her company,  Full Well , through a Facebook link.  I chose to meet with her, because as I am on this journey to a happier, healthier life, I know that my eating habits are not the best.  I want to lose weight, have more energy, take control of my life back from the fibromyalgia, and PCOS that has plagued me for years!

Leah has also struggled with the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue issues, so I am interested to learn from her how she has healed herself through nutrition and lifestyle changes. I know that changing established routines and ways of eating may be hard at first.  But I am ready to face this challenge head on!  This time that I have had off, I have begun to take better care of myself, to listen to my body, and lost 24 pounds in the process, but that is just the first step.

I am hoping to never have another relapse like this again! I have learned so much about myself, and I am learning more every day.  My mind is open to new possibilities, and hopefully a healthier, happier new me will be debuting to the world within the next few months!!

A Glimmer of Hope

In my quest to return to my normal way of life, I have been doing everything imaginable to try to get better.  Water Aerobics, Chiropractic, Massage, Therapy, you name it, I am doing it!  Along with resting a lot, eating right and trying to move around as much as possible, I hope these positive changes will make a difference in the way that I feel!!

Today, I found out that I am severely Vitamin D deficient, and that possibly could be contributing to my increased pain and fatigue I have been experiencing the past few months.  My doctor prescribed me 50,000 IU of Vitamin D for the next 8 weeks, so hopefully that will get my levels where they should be, I will have more energy and less pain, as long as I continue everything else that I am doing as well.  

Hopefully this new information will be key on the road to recovery and getting my life back so that I can focus on my goals again!

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high, look it quarely in the eye and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.'--Ann Landers

It's been a rough few days dealing with the Fibro monster.  I have barely been able to get out of bed due to the stiffness, pain and constant migraines. But, I must go on, I cannot let this disease defeat me! 

My brain is telling me to do more, to clean, to try to regain some normalcy in my life.  But my body is resisting. It has been a month since this recent relapse, and I am still no closer to finding out the exact cause.  Was it the medication increase, then withdrawal, is it just the fibromyalgia flaring up, or is there something else wrong?? All I can do at this point is keep exercising, watch what I eat, rest as much as possible and try to keep a positive outlook on my situation.  

Although I am ill, I am thankful for the ability to move around, for a loving, caring husband and family and supportive friends. Some people have none of these!  I thank God everyday for all that I have been blessed with and giving me the strength carry on! I pray that one day soon, they can figure out what caused this illness and put me on a path to recovery!

Hurts So Good!

Pain (any pain--emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: "We would be more alive if we did more of this," and, "Life would be more lovely if we did less of that." Once we get the pain's message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.    --Peter McWilliams

I am determined to regain my strength and get back to my normal routine as soon as possible!  I am making some progress, if not just one step at a time.  I had a neurologist appointment today and thankfully there is nothing more serious wrong than mild neuropathy and the fibromyalgia that has plagued me for years.

After a medication reaction sent me that sent me into a month long downward spiral, I am slowly but surely regaining some of my energy.  I think that moving around and getting regular exercise has helped quite a bit, even if I am in pain afterwards.  I walked 17 city blocks today in some pain, and I am proud of myself! I also managed to complete the second class of Water Aerobics, also swimming a bit before and afterwards.

I know that exercising makes me feel good  and that no matter how much it hurts, is something I need to do every day, even just for a little bit!  Now, I have to get the eating in check. Because I have not been feeling well enough to do much of anything, we have been eating a lot of fast foods, which defeat the purpose of this journey.  This weekend I will attempt to make some healthy meals for next week.

I feel good about the progress that I am making so far and feel confident that with each day I will become stronger!  I still have a lot to work on, but my health is my main concern at this moment.  Once I have that in order, hopefully everything else will fall into place!

Working Through the Pain

"No matter who you are, no matter what you do, you absolutely, 

positively do have the power to change."

~Bill Phillips~

Last night was my first water aerobics class. I have been in so much pain lately that I have not been able to do much of anything, let alone exercise! But in an effort to get my strength back, to start moving again, and to help me feel better, I started water aerobics!

There were several flights of steps to get to the lockers and changing area, which aggravated my injured hip and knee, but I made it!  The class is from 5:45-6:30 T, TH.  Another woman and my self were probably the youngest in the class, early thirties, and the rest of the class was early 40's-70's.  If an older woman with a cane could keep up, so could I!

The class was enjoyable!! The instructor played hip hop music, which I like to work out to.  We did a lot of stretching, jogging, weights, etc.  I felt good while I was exercising.  But when I came home, that was another story!! I was so stiff and in so much pain, I was miserable!

No matter how much pain I am in, I have to keep moving!!  I am not going to give up! I am going back to WA tomorrow night, but I am going to go to class early to swim first and get my muscles and joints loosened up. I know that diet and exercise will help me relieve stress and cope with my illness!  This is for my health and I need to be able to walk and move around!  I know that I can do this!!!